Working hard to clean the house today. I will be working at the shop most of the week and we have a bunch of people coming over to the house on Sat. night. I have to make sure everything is ready here at home before then. So far so good. I am also trying to do a better job about having dinner ready at night. To that end I have soup in the crockpot for dinner tonight. It will be good to have that after Maddie's soccer practice. Too many nights I am just wore out after running around all day and then going to Maddie's soccer practice. By the time I finally get home the last thing I want to do is cook. I am going to do a better job about using my crockpot and also help our finances at the same time. Things are quiet here right now even with Maddie home. Why you ask? She is grounded the next two days so no TV for her. She is also going to bed early the next two nights also. I am praying that will go a long way to help improve her attitude and mouth. I am wondering if she just doesn't need more sleep. We'll see how it goes. Right now she is upstairs doing some much needed cleaning in the loft and her room. That will keep her busy for a long time since it is such a mess up there. I think I am going to be a "mean Mom" and really make her do a thorough cleaning in her room. I am going to make sure she cleans her closet and under her bed. There is a lot of stuff piled in those places. Well she just came downstairs and apparently she "didn't know" she was supposed to be up there cleaning. Huh?! I swear there are times when I wonder if I am speaking a foreign language or something. She obviously doesn't listen to me. Ugghh!!

I just took this quiz and thought the results were interesting.

You Are a Doris!

Hope you all are having a good day.

Not the most tender words ever spoken by my husband. That was what he told me though this evening. I was trying to explain to him the disagreement I was having with Lauren tonight. I was trying to do the very thing he asks of me, give him the "Reader's Digest Condensed version". I kept it short and sweet. Apparently, that wasn't even good enough. I give. I finally told him that I am tired of being blown off. I am tired of hearing: I gotta go, I can't talk now, I have another call coming in, I'm busy now, Can we talk about this later, I need to finish this report, I gotta get this email out and Can you hold that thought. I told him that all of these things communicate to me: I don't care what you have to say, It isn't important what you have to say or I don't want to hear what you have to say. I told him I give and I won't bother telling him stuff anymore. I said even when I do it the way he wants it isn't good enough. He just told me that I talk to much and even the girls think so. I told him if he would bother to listen once and awhile or let me finish a sentence or a thought maybe I wouldn't feel the need to talk so much. I told him not to worry since it won't happen again anytime soon since I more than got the hint tonight. So much for feeling loved and cherished tonight.

In other news my Mom's surgery went well. She is very sore tonight but that is to be expected. This should be the end of a long 3 yr. struggle of nerve and pelvic pain. we are hoping that this spinal cord stimulator will give her her life back. She has missed out on a lot due to constant pain. God has already answered so many of our prayers already.

I am frustrated, hurt and angry right now so I am going to try to relax and go to sleep. Nite. 

We had a good message at church yesterday. The message had to do with change and do we have the courage it takes to change. So, that is my question for you. Do you have the courage it takes to change whatever in your life that requires change? For you it may be in area that is quite different that what it looks like for me. Will you need to change and be more disciplined, more organized, let go of a toxic relationship, spend more time fostering a new relationship, take more time for yourself without guilt, more time with your family, learning a new hobby, more time organizing your house, spending more time with your family, controlling your anger or taking charge or your health?  Change doesn't usually come easily or without work. I think it would happen more often if it was easily accomplished don't you think? Since it isn't we all tend to drag our feet when it comes time to change anything. We tend to drag our feet even more when it comes time to change something that involves our character. Self-reflection is uncomfortable and painful at best. We would much rather have to deal with others imperfections or deal with stuff in our lives than deal with ourselves on a personal level. We can come up with a million other things to take care of than that.  I know for myself I am very hard on myself. I can guilt myself in more ways than you can count. The self-talk I have inside my head is not always good. I get so down on myself for how I don't keep up with the laundry, how much I let paperwork accumulate in the office, how I don't keep my bathroom clean, how I resort to yelling at the girls when I am frustrated, how I don't always appreciate John for all he does and the list goes on. The problem is, what do I do to change the behavior? Usually nothing. I continue to beat myself up but I don't take the necessary steps to make a change. Again, change is hard but I just need to step out and take the first step. Usually once you get started you begin to make it a habit, make it a routine. That is easier when it is something small like dealing with housework. Relationships are a whole other ball of wax. I despise confrontation, so dealing with relational stuff is hard for me. Surface issues are fine but when it is a deep hurt or other issue I find it easier to put off and ignore than to deal with. That only makes it worse and the anger and hurt then runs deeper. If only I would learn to take care of it at the start when it is a small issue, it would be so much easier. So here I am on Monday morning after pondering on all this for 24 hours and praying about it. I guess you could say I have been convicted. Don't you hate when that happens? I know I need to make a change for the better. I will be hard but with God's help I can do this one step at time. If you are in the same boat as I am, hang in there. We can do this!! Blessings.

One year ago today a lot of us lost a dear friend Evie Fisher. Hard to believe it has been a year. At the same time it has seem longer. Evie was a beautiful person and a special friend. Evie was the kind of person that made you feel special the minute you met her. Whether that was online or in person. She cared deeply not only for her friends but especially for her family. Evie was given the hard road of cancer not once but twice in her life. It was hard road but one she traveled with dignity and grace. She kept a positive spirit that was deeply rooted in her faith of her Lord Jesus. She trusted that no matter what the outcome God was in control. Evie took the time during her journey to care about the concerns of her friends. She didn't want it to just be about her and what she was going through. She knew that others were facing hard times. We felt that what we were going through paled in comparison to what she was facing. Evie would remind us that our burdens were important too. She cared and let us know it. I appreciated that about her. I was blessed to know Evie not just online but in person. The warmth and caring that came across online just oozed out of every pour of Evie's being in person also. She could light up the room just by sitting in it not saying a word. I loved how when I would go over to encourage and lift her up she would do the same for me. She would ask about what was going on in my life and most of the time if I was frustrated and stressed the words, "Just chill out Tracy!" would come out of her mouth. She would say it with her trademark smile and how could I not chill out. Serving Evie was easy, she was a joy to be around. I loved just being in the same room with her. Yes there were times when she was angry that she had to walk the road placed before her and she knew what it meant, but at the same time she wasn't in despair or hopeless. She always ended up talking about how God was going to use it for his Glory. She would never let me leave without us praying together first. I loved those times. That was special time, two sisters in Christ lifting their hearts to God. She taught me so much about going through trials and suffering. I pray that if I am placed in the same situation I do it as well as Evie did, I don't know if I could. My heart aches for Paul and the kids right now. What a hole there is in their family without Evie in it. I pray that God will comfort them in a special way today. I pray that he would fill their hearts with special memories of their Wife and Momma today. I pray that they would be drawn closer together today. I pray for Evie's folks and brother today that God would touch them also and give them special comfort also. I can't imagine the sense of loss they are feeling too. May we all lift both of these families up throughout the day today. I also pray for all of us online that loved and cared for Evie throughout the years and are missing her today and always. May we remember Evie in a special way today. Whether we do something special with a friend, listen to a favorite song or take time to pray. Remember, life is short. Take the time to do all the things you have always wanted to do. Make the time for friends and family, you might not have tomm. Don't take people for granted, they may not always be there. Grant forgiveness when it is called for, you may regret it if you don't. Treasure your friends, they might not have a tomm. Blessings. Tracy

These are the two things that I saw demonstrated by Maddie and her teammates on the soccer field today. They were playing with only 10 players today. They are supposed to have 11 players on the field and a couple of substitutes. With all the crap their former coach pulled by taking half the team right before the start of the season we have to rely on guest players. Well, today all of the other teams we usually draw from had games also. So here we were with 10 players. Maddie's team came out fighting! They played so well even though they couldn't sub out to take a break. You could see the determination on their faces. In the first minute of the game the other team quickly scored a goal. Maddie's team buckled down and fought back and hard. They kept fighting when one of their teammates had to go off the field with an asthma attack and couldn't return to the game. Now they were down to 9 players versus 11 players on the other team. To make it even harder, the other team had 6 subs. Talk about insult to injury when they did entire line changes. They still held off any goals through the first half and into the second half of the game. They almost scored several times. It was amazing watching them. Then with about 10 minutes left in the game another teammate of Maddie's took a line drive into her stomach. Jenny went down with the wind knocked out of her and in pain. Now we were down to 8 players. The other team scored a goal, that was hard to watch. The other coach still wouldn't pull one of his players even though we were down 3 players. After that goal he FINALLY pulled ONE player. Jenny was able to return to the game after a couple of minutes. Maddie's team ended up losing 3-0. It was a hard loss but they did it with style and sportsmanship. We knew that had we had a full team we would've  kicked their butts. The girls didn't need to hang their heads with the way they played. It took the other team 3 extra players in order to beat them. I will have to say that as a Mom it was hard to watch them though. It hurt my heart to see them have to work so hard and then listen to the parents on the other team be so snarky. I wanted to smack them all. I wanted to wring the neck of the coach of the other team. Have some class and pull a player when the other team is down 3 players. Good grief! 

You know this game and season has been a good lesson for not only the girls but really the parents. We can see what good sports the girls are and what it means to work hard and have determination. I will also say that it is a real example of what my Mom taught me, "Life is not fair". This season is a true example of that. It isn't fair that our old coach did what he did and that they are really short players. You have to deal with what you are given and make the most of it. You can't let it get you down or drag down those around you. I keep trying to encourage Maddie and her teammates. It is so easy to get discouraged when you have so much stacked against you. It has gotten to the point, on occasion, when one of the girls has gotten snarky with her teammates. When it has happened I talked to the girl.I told her that her teammates need her to be for them not against them. They are a team, first and foremost. They need to stick together right now.

We will see how tomorrow's makeup goes. Supposedly, we are supposed to have enough players. We will see. I know one of the girls isn't going to play due to a hurt knee. I am still waiting to hear about the girl that had the asthma attack. I hope she is OK, her Mom took her to the Dr. I am praying for a better outcome for the girls tomm. Cross your fingers!!